October 17, 2021
Lately, I am very aware of being tired. A L L T H E T I M E. I think that my personality (all in) and my career of choice (education) are contributing factors… lol. I own my choices here- my career and my hobby happen to be the same ^_^ Now that my eyes are so widely open, I feel compelled to advocate based on what I learn. I feel compelled to advocate for the time to collaborate with my peers. I feel compelled to advocate for equity in a system that marginalizes so many students. I feel compelled to advocate for change in a system that claims to want to be inclusive.
In my free time, my first choice is almost always some sort of #DIYpd4MLs. I find my field to be fascinating and ever-evolving. There is always another webinar I want to watch, another book I want to buy & read, another #chat I want to participate in. There is always a new staff member to connect with and define roles & responsibilities with. This means that I am almost always in ‘go’ gear. Unfortunately, I also feel that taking a break means letting someone down (myself, a student, a colleague).
‘Guilt’ is one of my best emotions… lol. When I notice myself getting the most run-down, I notice myself “sheltering in place”. I avoid people, avoid collaboration, and start to ‘coast’. I start to accept being an assistant instead of a co-teacher.
The system I work in has no time built in for collaboration. This means that I try to meet with classroom teachers after school. I work in 19 different classrooms with 20 different teachers. Thankfully they are all in the same school! My colleagues aren’t so fortunate! I try to plan the big ticket items like units and assessments, but I also accept that timing doesn’t always work, so I parachute in and hope that I can be helpful. It feels like I don’t always ‘earn my keep’. Is this what is meant by ‘imposter syndrome’?
Then there is the bigger system. Public education. Ministry of education. I thought a simple discussion could result in changing a single letter on our forms to move from English language learners to Multilingual learners. Let’s drive change from the grassroots, right? WHAM (ran into the great wall of bureaucracy there).
How about the right to service? Our ministry only allows multilingual learners to have 5 years of funded support with a specialist teacher. How is this not discrimination? WHAM (ran into the great wall of bureaucracy there).
I am tired. Are you tired? How do you get around feelings of guilt, or inadequacy, or ‘imposter syndrome’? How do you keep fighting to move forward?
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